Le Bing et le Pew: a modern folktail….

small_heroic_bingleyFebruary is not only Groundhog month, but the time when skunks begin to emerge from hibernation. In their honor I have crafted a modern folktale: Le Bing et le Pew:

Once upon a time there was a young and very happy flattie named Mr. Bingley (aka: “No, No Bingley!” or “What the heck…?”). He loved to play and go for walks with his decent-enough dog trainer/owner, Julie. One balmy springtime evening, Mr. Bingley and his brother Hudson convinced their people that it would be lovely to go strolling on the campus of the nearby institution of higher learning.

While walking along the path that winds around the football stadium, Bingley suddenly launched himself up the hill bordering the path as if he were lava spewing from Mt. Vesuvius. Julie watched in horror as he rocketed up the incline towards the object of his desire: a skunk.

Faster than a toddler lurching toward a body of water, Mr. No No! grabbed the monochromatic carnivore and began to shake it back and forth, while said carnivore retaliated by spraying impressive amounts of olfactory-challenging liquid in every perceivable direction. Julie, continued to watch in horror (realio trulio, this did seem like the best response at the time…) and then realized that this stinky drama would continue ad infinitum without direct intervention.

Forthwith, Julie sprang to the crime scene and told “What the Heck…?” to  “Drop it, NOW!”, which amazingly, he did. 39_skunk_signsHowever, the skunk landed on its side, rolled and got tangled in the leash, thereby lashing the dog to the malodorous mammal. Without a moment’s hesitation, Julie grabbed the dog end of the leash and snapped it, thus flicking the skunk into the air where it performed a maneuver similar to Shawn White’s 720 backside corkscrew, landed on its feet (receiving top scores from the judges for perfect execution) and waddled off into the emerging darkness.

Mr. No No and Julie faced each other, enveloped in noxious fumes and far from home. Thus began the long and stinky trek back to the land of late night baths and seemingly futile odor management. But, the fates were feeling magnanimous that day and as luck would have it, this was the Bingster’s third intimate encounter with a skunk, so Julie was prepared! Once home, she bathed Bingley with the following mixture that really did remove the stench enough that Bingley slept in blissful contentment on the foot of the bed that night dreaming of high adventure and stunning aerial take downs.

Here is the magic formula that Julie’s Fairy godmother bestowed upon her:

Nota bena: AVOID EYE CONTACT!! This stuff can cause blindness, so be careful using it around the dog’s head. I folded a hand towel into quarters lengthwise and held it over Bing’s eyes (holding it by the ends under his chin) while I bathed his head. It is much easier with a helper, but doable on one’s own. (For some reason, I have a hard time recruiting people to help with this task…) Because of the risk of blindness, I use this only on the back of his head, holding his chin up while rinsing. On his snout I use a paste of baking soda and a small amount of liquid soap and rinse well. It is not as effective as the hydrogen peroxide mixture, but it eliminates most of the smell. 

  • 1 quart Hydrogen peroxide
  • 1/4 cup baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon liquid soap

After applying this liberally to the miscreant and rubbing it in thoroughly, I rinse and rinse and rinse, then repeat the treatment, each time thoroughly rinsing his until the water runs clear, his hair is squeaky clean, and the odor is gone.

Here’s hoping that you have a fresh smelling spring, but in off chance that some malodorous event is in your future, you too can be prepared!IMG_2386

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8 Comments
  1. I love the phrase “malodorous mammal”!

  2. Hahaha. Poor Bingley (or perhaps I should say poor Julie). Well either way I am glad both are squeaky clean and fresh smelling. This was a funny story though. Thanks for the skunk cleaning tip. I hope I never need it though!

  3. Oh Julie,
    What a hilarious picture you painted…”The monochromatic
    carnivore doing Shawn White corkscrews” had me laughing out loud. Thanks for the recipe. I use Basic G and my air purifier, but I’ll try this too!
    Mindy

    • Julie Smith says:

      I didn’t know about Basic G at the time of this skunking, but I will definitely keep it in mind if I don’t have my other ingredients. I am assuming Basic G is safe to use on animals and does not have a risk for eye problems?

  4. Vicki Kiser says:

    This is such a funny story to read but not for the characters in it!! It came at a good time. I let the dogs out on the patio last night during the sleet, and I heard a noise. An opossum had taken the lid off the grill and was licking the steak juice where we had grilled the other night!!! I pulled anything I could find to get the dogs back in…who are looking at me, like – we haven’t gone yet! Then, this morning, I went to let them out again, and there was our “malodorous mammal” just on the other side of the patio fence. Luckily, I was able to shut the door in a hurry. In the last 2 days, we have had those two critters, 10 ducks who try to scarf up all the birdseed, and a large falcon we have never had before. I actually feel sorry for the pesky squirrels who usually clean up the bird seed. I love your blogs! =)

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